NEW ORLEANS — Here in the Big Easy, it’s not difficult to figure out what gifts should be distributed around the National Football League during the holiday season. A $9 billion industry doesn’t want for much, but here’s a 2014 wish list that needs to be filled from Miami to Seattle.
Jerry Jones: A head coach who can do it all like Jimmy Johnson.
Drew Brees: A left tackle who can get in someone’s way.
Mike Smith: A defensive end who can make Atlanta fans forget about John Abraham.
Roger Goodell: A crisp, sunny day at the Meadowlands on Feb. 2.
Marvin Lewis: A primer on how to win on the road in January.
Ray Rice: Fresh legs.
Andrew Luck: A healthy Reggie Wayne next fall.
Rex Ryan: Some overdue recognition for a job well done.
Richie Incognito: A muzzle.
Jim Schwartz: A heaping dose of humility.
Adrian Peterson: A reliable quarterback who can ease his burden.
Dan Snyder: A new line of work for The Wolf of the Beltway.
Eli Manning: Renewed emphasis on ball security.
Randy Moss: A reminder that you haven’t done much since 2009.
Gary Kubiak: An offensive coordinator job of his choosing.
Ben Roethlisberger: Someone to throw to, other than Antonio Brown.
Josh Gordon: First-team All-Pro honors for a magnificent year.
Frank Gore: The league’s “Tough Guy” award. Every season.
Bruce Arians: A media award for his unfiltered comments.
John Fox: Less stress.
Darrelle Revis: Healthy knees.
Philip Rivers: A new contract with the Chargers.
Andy Reid: Peace of mind for overseeing a dramatic turnaround.
Luke Kuechly: An instructional video, highlighting all those form tackles.
Ronde Barber: Continued growth in the broadcast booth.
Robert Quinn: Accolades for the new Simeon Rice.
Marshawn Lynch: A book deal on the art of running angry.
Connor Barth: Another chance to kick for the Bucs in 2014.
Lovie Smith: A fresh start after a year off.
Derrick Brooks: Good news from Canton.
John Lynch: Ditto.
Tony Dungy: Ditto.
Jared Allen: A free-agent offer he can’t refuse from the Bucs.
Dashon Goldson: Snuggling up to a lower strike zone.
Peyton Manning: Another shot at a Vince Lombardi Trophy.
NFL blackout rules: Termination.
Jon Gruden: No more silly college rumors.
Bucs fans: Reason to believe.
Tony Romo: 58-minute football games.
Da’Quan Bowers: A swift and quiet departure from Tampa.
Aaron Rodgers: A vivid reminder of what he can do when healthy.
Josh Freeman: A backup role to resurrect his career.
NFL Competition Committee: A thorough re-assessment of pass interference rules.
Tom Brady: Yeah, like he needs something.