COLUMN

Try On Garter Belts And See What Develops

By DANIEL RUTH

Published: Sep 29, 2007

You might recall during the recent brouhaha over protecting wetlands, various county commissioners got all whiny and pouty at the merest suggestion they were little more than lap-dancing hussies doing the bidding of real estate development interests.

Why, there hadn't been this much faux indignity since Tour de France winner Floyd Landis insisted he had no idea how more testosterone got into his system than the entire East German women's shot put team.

So it would come as no big surprise if at the next Hillsborough County Commission meeting the likes of Jim Norman and Ken Hagan and Brian Blair showed up wearing pasties and garter belts.

Anybody with more of a functioning brain stem than a snipe knew during the wetlands fuss Environmental Protection Commission Chairman Blair could be rented by the hour by the cement lobby.

Footsie-Wootsie

Still, is it really too much to ask for these commissioners at least to pretend to have a sliver of dignity when it comes to playing footsie-wootsie with development interests?

Over the course of the past few days, both Hagan and Blair have been feted with fundraisers hosted by some of the region's more prominent figures in the real estate development community.

The two commissioners, who are up for re-coronation next year, have had fundraising events hosted by Stephen Dibbs, who was instrumental in trying to eliminate the wetlands protection program.

As well, Hagan and Blair, the hootchy-cootchy commissioners, also have been lathered up by developer Bing Kearney, concrete products czar Ralph Hughes, land use lawyer Vince Marchetti and construction product magnate Sam Rashid, among others.

Think of these folks as sort of the five families of drywall.

Cleopatra Arrives!

If you're wondering why Jim Norman isn't being treated like Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra entering Rome, it's merely because he's not up for re-election in 2008.

Now you would think if you truly were all that sensitive about being thought of as lotion boys for developers, you'd be more discreet about being associated with fundraisers hosted not by just one, but a multitude of people involved in the earth-moving racket.

And here is where you have to give some grudging admiration for both Hagan and Blair. They don't care. And really now, why should they?

They don't care about being perceived as hot walkers for anyone with a shovel, because they also know they'll probably get re-elected.

They know they are phonies when it comes to melodramatically complaining about being accused of being two-bit gin joint floozies when it comes to developers.

And they know that you know they are phonies - and they still don't care. Because they don't have to care.

Here's the irony.

Blair, in particular, won his race for the county commission largely by accusing his opponent, Bob Buckhorn, of being a dreaded professional politician.

Should Hagan and Blair, two pros in their own right, win re-election, their cushy leather chairs should be replaced by brass poles. They'll both feel so much more comfortable.