Mastering A Taxing Situation

By TOM JACKSON The Tampa Tribune

Published: Apr 13, 2008

Today brings, as it frequently does, another collision in life's competition pitting the sublime vs. the ridiculous: the Technicolor hyperventilation of Masters Sunday and the hot breath of the federal income tax deadline. It's the Sabbath when majesty and legend meet, if not horror, then exasperation, at least.

Given the option, I would choose cutting a 7-iron over Rae's Creek to a front right pin placement on Augusta National's notorious No. 12 green with 10 years of refunds on the line and the entire world watching rather than filling out a Form 1040, Schedules A&B.

Alas, our friends at the Internal Revenue Service - fine Americans all - prefer the ritual torture of their exquisitely indecipherable tax code, hieroglyphics for enrolled agents. I mean, really: modified accelerated cost recovery system? Deductions subject to the 7.5 percent AGI limitation? Dependent child tax credit phase-out? ATIN? ITIN? EITC? TANF?

Here's one with a ready translation: OMG.

Patriot Games

Anymore, the typical return is harder than Amen Corner in a swirling wind. The agency requires pinpoint accuracy on a vexing landscape of such things as cost-basis adjustments, charitable donations, taxes paid to foreign governments, deductible homeowners association dues, qualifying bad debts, tip income, recapturing depreciation, testing whether the return is subject to the alternative minimum tax and on and on until the amateur preparer's eyes glaze over and drool puddles on his Goodwill receipts.

Why not just hire it done, then? Two reasons. First, just like Augusta National's subtle contours, the nuances of the tax code can reduce even professionals to tears. Why pay someone to mess up my unreimbursed employee business expenses when I am perfectly capable of accomplishing the same at no charge?

Second, like informed voting, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, supporting the troops, recycling and touring the Heir Apparent through sites on the National Register of Historic Places, I consider personally filling out the Jackson family return my patriotic obligation.

Like mandatory withholding from employees, tax preparation professionals or services insulate taxpayers from the pain involved in the collections process. They are the nitrous oxide in the periodontist's office, forgiving us our failure to floss, making it easier for federal lawmakers to create ever more mischief.

Thankful For Small Favors

Thus shall I be shut away in our upstairs home office (for which I will not attempt a deduction) today, Bobby Jones' masterpiece of flora and shot-making strategy on the big screen, TurboTax's expert interviewers on the small screen, the three of us marching doggedly toward a sunset resolution. If history holds, the process will involve heartache and euphoria interlaced with moments of confusion (Section 179 depreciation?) and delusions of grandeur (I'm getting how much back? Oh, wait; I misplaced a decimal point).

All the while, I'll be grateful for this: Finished is finished. There's no digging back in to adjust this and jiggle that to accommodate the whims of a state income tax return, which counts among the estimable joys of working in the Sunshine State.

It's also why, finding someone who claims the path to Florida's salvation leads to a state income tax, I am tempted to reach for a rope of garlic and a crucifix strung with rosary beads. Because conking them with a Big Bertha probably is illegal.

Tom Jackson can be reached at (813) 948-4219.