All This Lunacy, And Now We're Castrating Cars

By STEVE OTTO The Tampa Tribune

Published: Apr 25, 2008

We can thank those Polk County teens who allegedly videotaped themselves beating up a girl for helping to keep Florida on the global news and taking some of the heat off of Florida school teachers picked up for molesting children.

Oh, and we don't want to forget the monkeys on the loose, either.

Am I missing something or is Florida getting wackier than usual these days? We haven't quite pushed California out of the top spot and if they break into any more cult strongholds in Texas we could slip into third place.

Maybe it has something to do with getting shoved around in the presidential primaries. Maybe it has something to do with Florida's economy going down the tubes. Maybe it's just because it is Florida.

Most of us don't come home, for instance, and find an eight-foot alligator clomping around in the kitchen looking for a snack, but it happens, especially now that we have built around thousands of Florida's lakes and wetlands.

That doesn't quite explain why a roofer in Pinellas Park was arrested Wednesday for allegedly torching a raccoon in a tar-heating machine because he didn't want to waste time coaxing the creature out.

Monkey See, Monkey Go

And monkeys on the loose in Polk County might seem unusual, but we've had the dreaded Skunk Ape meandering around the Everglades for years.

Some of you may not quite believe in Florida's version of Bigfoot but having been on an expedition to find the Skunk Ape, I am now a believer. OK, we actually didn't see a Skunk Ape while we were looking in South Florida, but our three-man team did see some strange creatures in the lounge at the Ft. Lauderdale Holiday Inn that made us wonder.

This week I read a story about mysterious forces in downtown Tampa that are setting off car alarms and disabling vehicles.

The article went on to say the Federal Communications Commission is investigating the unknown force that appears to be in a concentrated area of downtown.

Considering everything else that's going on around here you have to figure it's probably aliens. There were reports of unidentified flying objects over eastern parts of Florida last week and this could be a part of it.

Another theory is that the sounds are part of the new red light camera systems the county is thinking of mounting on traffic signals. The idea was that if a vehicle goes through a red light it would trigger a laser-sound signal that would immediately disable the car in its tracks.

Grabbing The Bull By The, Um…

Fortunately, despite all the weirdness going on around the state, up in Tallahassee our legislators are hard at work as the session goes into its final stages.

And who can argue that it has not been a session marked by progress and statesmanship?

Not only did the Legislature spend countless hours coming up with a proposal for a state song that may go nowhere, but this week - after a vote of 37-2 in the Senate - passed legislation prohibiting the display of fake bull testicles on vehicles in Florida.

Keyword, Otto Graphs, to read and comment on Steve's blog.