Two Religions; One Marriage

By SARAH ROTHWELL The Tampa Tribune

Published: Jun 30, 2007

CARROLLWOOD - Bill Brehm and Rosemary DiDio didn't talk much about religion on their first date. They considered their relationship fun and casual.

Then, the unexpected happened. Brehm, Reform Jew, and DiDio, a devout Catholic, fell in love.

"About six months into the relationship we started asking ourselves how we're going to make things work," Rosemary said. "The biggest issue was how we would raise our future children."

Twenty-four years later, the couple consider their family an interfaith success story.

They have two children, Stephanie, 20, and Danielle, 18. They own a home in Carrollwood, run two successful businesses and remain active in their faiths. The family attends Congregation Beth Am, 2030 West Fletcher Ave., and St. Timothy's Catholic Church, 17512 Lakeshore Road.

"Our relationship has evolved over time," Rosemary said. "It's what works for us."

Bill and Rosemary met at work in Boston. When the relationship became serious, neither considered converting. Still, they wanted to experience both religions. Bill attended church for the first time during their engagement.

"In the beginning, I was very uncomfortable in a church," Bill said. "The crucifix bothered me. Now, I find it pleasant. I'm familiar with the traditions."

Rosemary found the adjustment easier.

"Because Judaism is the foundation of Catholicism, I didn't feel so out of place," Rosemary said. "It was a learning experience."

With support from both their families, Bill and Rosemary were married May 2, 1985, at a banquet hall in New York City. A priest and a canter performed the ceremony. After the wedding, the newlyweds returned home to Massachusetts and decided it was time to determine whether their children would grow up Catholic or Jewish.

After hours of discussion, meetings with rabbis and priests, and support from an interfaith couples group, they decided on Judaism. At reformed synagogues, a mother doesn't have to be Jewish to raise her children in the faith. So Rosemary could attend temple with the family but remain Catholic.

"There had to be a compromise," Rosemary said. "It was our goal to worship together as a family and still be who we were individually. It was hard work at first."

When Stephanie was born in 1987, Rosemary dealt with unexpected feelings.

"It was the first time in my life I felt like a minority religion," she said. "I remember going to my niece's christening and thinking my child will never be a part of that."

Still, Rosemary stood by the original decision. She became involved at temple, spent time with Bill's family and made it work.

"Both religions cherish the same family principles, and we have a shared vision of giving back to the community," Bill said.

In 1989, Danielle was born, and the Brehm family was complete.

Later, in 1996, Bill's work brought the family to Tampa. They settled in Carrollwood and joined Congregation Beth Am. The girls began religious school there. In Judaism, girls attend religious school each week until their Bat mitzvah at age 12.

As a child, Danielle never questioned her faith.

"I wasn't confused," she said. "I knew I was Jewish and that when I went to church I was going to support mom."

The Brehm's encouraged their daughters to give back to the community and to their synagogue. To set an example, Bill joined the board at Beth Am, dedicating almost 30 hours a week. In 1999, Rosemary joined St. Timothy's, where she taught teens and worked on community service projects.

The family volunteered for organizations such as Metropolitan Ministries and Habitat for Humanity.

As teenagers, Stephanie and Danielle were honor roll students in Hillsborough High School's IB program. They also volunteered with the youth group at Beth Am. They organized fundraisers, helped out in the community and planned youth trips to places such as Busch Gardens. They considered the synagogue a second home.

"I like the traditions of Judaism," Danielle said. "It's comforting to know what you're going to do every week when you go to temple."

The Brehms don't dwell on their differences. They celebrate Jewish and Christian holidays. Danielle considers the Christmas holiday a story from mom's religion. It's easy to learn about Christianity without questioning her own beliefs, she said.

Despite differing opinions on Jesus and the afterlife, the Brehms refuse to argue about religion. Caring about others, they say, is the true message of both religions.

"If somebody tells me I'm going to hell I say, 'I can't go somewhere I don't believe in," Danielle said.

In addition to Danielle, Bill and Stephanie don't believe in life after death. Rosemary believes she will see her husband and daughters in heaven.

"If she wants us to show up, that's fine," Bill said with a smile.

Rosemary doesn't mind the jokes.

"We live our life for today," she said. "We live our faiths and we do good works. That's what brings us close together."

The Brehms are a busy family.

Stephanie attends Florida State University, where she is a member of the Hillel group on campus. Danielle is working at Publix Supermarket until she leaves for business school in the fall. Bill owns Affordable Displays, a manufacturing company, and still holds a board seat at Beth Am. Rosemary owns Turning Point 4 Results, a company that helps other companies maintain success, and volunteers at St. Timothy's.

In their spare time, the family travels together, goes to movies and watches "The Daily Show." Bill and Rosemary share similar political views. They listen to National Public Radio and enjoy a good read. Once Danielle leaves for college, they hope to take more trips together.

Every now and then, someone criticizes the Brehms' way of life. There are Catholics who can't believe Rosemary's children are Jewish and Jews who can't believe Rosemary is Catholic.

The trick is to follow your heart and not worry about everyone else, Rosemary said.

"We wanted our children to be involved in their faith, to make a contribution and experience it fully," she said. "I think we've succeeded in that."

Reporter Sarah Rothwell can be reached at (813) 865-4845 or srothwell@tampatrib.com