Parents See Danger In Tech Gap

By MICHELE SAGER msager@tampatrib.com

Published: May 7, 2006

TAMPA - It's a world where teens can lock away their secrets from parents or share their deepest thoughts with strangers.

They have instant access to information from around the globe, thanks to advances in downloadable music, online role-playing games and Web sites such as MySpace.com.

Technology has brought a power to today's youths that previous generations can hardly grasp. That frightens many parents.

How can they protect their children from the dangers if they don't understand the technology themselves?

A suspicious parent no longer may be able to search a child's room for the physical evidence of wrongdoing. The written diaries, illicit CDs and pornographic magazines once physically hidden are now often kept online where few parents visit and many predators prowl.

Parents have started gathering to discuss the problem. They are meeting at schools across the Tampa Bay area to talk about the technological generation gap.

Such gaps are not new. The automobile revolutionized teenage dating in the 1950s. Cable television and networks such as MTV changed the viewing and listening habits of teens in the 1980s. The difference is that technology such as the Web has exploded in recent years.

Just 15 years ago, most home computers weren't connected to the Internet. Now, 81 percent of millennials - 12- to 17-year-olds - visit Web sites daily.

The child's knowledge of technology often surpasses the adult's.

"This really could be the first time in history we see a significant gap which places the child in the role of teacher and the adult in the role of student," said Amanda Lenhart, a senior research specialist with the Pew Internet & American Life Project. "The key is for parents to embrace the technology and not be afraid of it. They need to allow themselves to learn from their children."

Educating Parents

At a PTA-sponsored meeting last month at Benito Middle School in New Tampa, parents discussed concerns about teens and technology.

"It's like you are powerless as a parent," said Stacie Green, a parent of two Benito students. "I try to monitor what my son and daughter are doing, but as hard as I try, they still get sent these pornographic images at times. I'm lucky because I'm a computer science major and know what I'm doing, but my kids still are trying to outsmart me."

At another meeting, at Terrace Community Middle School, parents discussed Web sites such as MySpace and Xanga. The sites let people create their own pages and post personal photos and information.

Most parents attending the meeting knew about the sites but didn't expect their middle-school-age children to be on them. Many were shocked when familiar faces popped up as they searched for their children's names.

Parents have reason to be worried about the technological experimentation of their children because one in five will receive sexual information online, said Tampa police Detective Skyp McCaughey, who specializes in child sex crimes and pornography cases.

Every day, new cases are reported of sexual predators using online avenues to prey on children.

On the day the Benito parents met, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security was arrested, accused of sending sexual messages and images to what he thought was a 14-year-old girl in Polk County. Also, a 19-year-old testified on Capitol Hill about how he became involved in Internet pornography at age 13.

News of these crimes does not shock McCaughey. She said many of her cases come from men soliciting girls through sites such as MySpace.

"The days of being able to pull open the sock drawer to see what your child is hiding are over. You need to talk to your kids about these sites and about what's out there," McCaughey told Benito parents. "If you're not going to talk to your children about sex, they'll find out about it somehow. Wouldn't you rather the information come from you?"

Parents shouldn't panic, though.

"I don't want you to think the Internet is evil," Larry Nanns told the Benito parents. Nanns is the Hillsborough County school district's manager of Web communication. "Some of this stuff is beneficial."

The Internet provides a wealth of research information, he said. Instant messaging allows for tutoring opportunities, and role-playing games teach teamwork and critical thinking.

"It seems scary to parents because they don't fully understand the technology," Nanns said.

Technology Fears

Hollace McPhillips' son and daughter, students at Terrace Community Middle School, don't fear technology. They frequently use instant messaging, iPods and the Web. McPhillips and her husband, though, rarely use the computer.

"I haven't opened my e-mail since July of last year," she said. "Frankly, the computer scares me because I'm afraid that I'll make one wrong move and break something. But the kids will go anywhere and try anything."

The McPhillipses recognize that their lack of knowledge about technology makes it difficult to monitor their children. Montana, 11, likes online role-playing games in which she teams with people, often strangers, from across the country to accomplish tasks. Sometimes while playing, she garners male admirers who give her virtual "gifts." Her 13-year-old brother jokingly refers to them as her boyfriends, but he always intervenes to put a stop to the flirting.

Her father, Billy, said he trusts his children will make the right decisions but admits he never knows who is lurking on the other end.

"We try to stay on top of what they're doing, and the computer stays out of their bedrooms," he said. "We have software to block certain sites and limit their access to some technology."

The children want cell phones, but the McPhillipses say they are too young.

"They aren't allowed at school and they don't go anywhere without telling us, so they don't need them until maybe they are 16," Hollace McPhillips said.

McPhillips also vowed to learn more about computers this summer.

"Sure, they aren't interested in a lot of those bad sites now, but what will happen when they're older?" she asked. "I know I need to do this."

Experts say families such as the McPhillipses are moving in the right direction.

"This is like the new smoking," Terrace Community Middle School teacher Meichelle Long recently told parents. "You're never going to be able to completely shield your children from it, but with constant communication, you can educate them about the potential dangers."

Fooling The Filters

Families can opt to use Web filters to block unwanted sites, but filters don't work 100 percent of the time. The Hillsborough County school district found that out several years ago when district leaders realized school filters didn't block the site for Tampa strip club Mons Venus. The filters allowed the site because of a place called Mount Venus in Ireland. The district has since changed to an improved filter.

In Oregon, teachers realized students had set up Web proxies to get around filters. A student could direct requests for banned sites through a Web address at home, thereby tricking the filters.

"When we find out about a troublesome site, we obviously fix it so it's blocked," Nanns said. "But the sites are always changing. Today, it's My- Space; tomorrow they'll be into something else."

Nanns said students can get around even the most secure home system.

"You may think your Internet is secure," Nanns said. "But if your neighbor doesn't have filters and they have wireless, your child could tap into their system."

Child advocates advise keeping the computer in a common room, so use can be monitored. Also, they remind parents that cell phones, PDAs and gaming systems often provide other access points to the Web.

A 2005 survey by the Pew Internet & American Life Project found that 64 percent of parents of online teens have rules about when and how long their children can go online. But the survey also found 62 percent of teens say they think most teens do things online that they would rather their parents not see.

Long said the best solution is communication.

"Yes, you should set up filters and monitor your children's habits, but the best move is talk to your kids," she said. "You don't want to be constantly spying on them. Have them take you to their favorite sites. Check out where they are going and explain the dangers out there."

For Green, that's the message she tries to drive home to her children.

"This world doesn't seem real to them," she said. "They think nothing will happen to them from the safety of their home. My job is to make them see that the dangers are real and not everything is virtual."

TIPS FOR PARENTS

•Know what your child is doing on the computer.

•Talk to your children and ask them to show you what sites they visit and why.

•Don't let your children give out passwords or personal information such as home addresses, pictures, phone numbers or school names.

•Install security software to view or block objectionable material.

•Don't use user names or passwords that reveal personal information or names that draw negative attention.

•Never respond to or initiate messages that are obscene, threatening or make you feel uncomfortable. Encourage your children to tell you if they encounter such messages. If you receive such a message, forward a copy to your Internet provider and ask for assistance.

•Should you become aware of the transmission, use or viewing of child pornography while online, contact local law enforcement or report it to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children by calling 1-800-843-5678.

•Remember that what you read online may not be true.

•Get to know your child's online friends just as you would their other friends.

•If your children download music, make sure they are use legal sites.

•Monitor instant e-mail and instant messages to ensure bullying or other improper behavior isn't happening. There are Web sites to help decode chat lingo.

•Set reasonable rules and guidelines for computer use.

Source: Wiredkids.org