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POPSY Turvy

Published: Nov 2, 2007

You know it's time for a new Friday night routine when your husband starts dog whispering the baby.

I don't know why the man of the house is so enamored of Cesar Millan (or, as he calls him, "Oscar"), the eponymous host/star/guru of "The Dog Whisperer." We don't have a dog. As far as I know, he's never had one. Nor is he particularly fond of other people's pooches. But when Friday night rolls around, you will most often find him parked in front of a "Dog Whisperer" marathon, marveling at Cesar/Oscar's commanding way with canines.

Yes, we should get out more. Instead we have cable, which teaches us how to behave around hypothetical dogs - or, apparently, our Shih Tzu-sized offspring.

At first I thought it was a coincidence when I saw my husband making a mild "sffft" sound and gently touching the baby's shoulder with his index finger as she lunged, delighted with this new game, for a dish of cat food. Under cross examination, however, he revealed that he was in fact attempting some of Cesar's calm assertive conditioning on our child.

For a man who would sooner watch "Beaches" on a 24-hour loop than read an actual parenting book, this was an interesting development. Books about babies: nonsense. A television show about taming wild dogs: authoritative and convincing. Such is the power of Cesar's mojo - especially for men, for whom the idea of being pack leader is often an elusive goal, especially in their own homes.

I'm not sure that dogs and babies share many psychic similarities, though you could argue the behavioral stuff - slobber, moving on all fours, eating things they shouldn't. Perhaps babies would be pack animals, if given the chance, marauding around the park with complex rituals of dominance, submission and defecation. And you thought "Cujo" was scary.